I was scrolling through my old photos today on my phone because I have been seeking inspiration for new designs for my clothing store. As I was looking through, I was beginning to feel nostalgic, as if the life I had previously was so long ago – as if the person prior to becoming a mother, was someone far, far away.
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Look at that girl. Adventurous. Carefree. Full of hope and dreams and love.
Boy, has life changed since that moment. I believe that photo was taken by in 2015. I was about 26 years old. I had just come from a point in life where everything was changing rapidly for me. New relationship. New lifestyle. New opportunities. I was focused on living my best life and vowed to myself that I was going to start loving myself again after so many years of self-hate.
Since 2015, life has changed even more dramatically and I love how my journey hasn’t stopped evolving. I am mother now. I am wife. I am boss babe, as I like to call it with two businesses and now I am taking an even greater risk and quitting the corporate world to focus on my family and my businesses. Oh how life has changed.
I know it will be tough. Actually, scratch that, it ALREADY is tough. If you’ve been following my journey thus far, you would know that I returned back to work a few months ago and quickly realized it just wasn’t working out. I didn’t belong there anymore, despite the fact that I was really good at my job. I knew that my calling was now towards motherhood and growing my small business and I had to follow that instinct.
I never used to be one to take risks, but ever since 2015 I have been taking giant risks and not looking back and so far it has paid off tenfold. I decided back then that finally I was going to trust God with every part of my life. I gave up certain things and I let go of others. And I think that sometimes when we are able to let go of the things that we have outgrown, it opens up room for new opportunities. I’ve seen how God has been working in my life and I am so excited to see where He will bring me next. I know that He asks us to have faith and He will grow that faith into enough to move mountains.
But throughout this whole adventure and transition, I’ve been learning that loving yourself is an important part of the journey. If we didn’t take care of our own needs then we wouldn’t be able to take care of the needs of others, especially our littles.
It has been hard though. There have been many days where I overlooked my needs and ran myself to the ground just for the sake of taking care of everyone else around me. And after a while, you begin to feel the toll of that. You start to get cranky, tired, irritable, anxious, depressed – just to name a few.
And you end up not giving your best self. You start to rush through everything just to get it done so you can quickly move on to the next task. You forget to stop and enjoy things and be present. You become a person that isn’t really that fun to be around because you are just so focused on who knows what that you don’t even have time to laugh things off anymore.
Yeah. That was definitely me. Still is, I hate to admit. But I really want to change that.
I know that the cause of being that way is because I am lacking in the self love department. I haven’t been very loving to myself lately.
I am still grieving my old self. My old body. My old energy. My old persona. Even though if I truly ask myself if I could go back in time and just be that person again, would I? I would say no. I’m not that person anymore. I’ve outgrown her. And it’s not a bad thing.
I am this person now. And I need to learn to love her. Especially all of her flawed parts. Her new body. Her new mind. Her new personality.
She is great. She is beautiful and just as inspiring.
We have to learn to let go of the people we once were and the lives we once lived. I like the idea of things happening in our lives at that point in time for a reason, same goes for us being the way we are at certain times in our lives for a reason. We were who we were at that time for a reason, but that person should stay in the past because they don’t belong in the present. The person you are now is who you should be now.
So I’m asking you and I’m asking myself, what am I doing today to love myself more?
Because while taking care of others and especially our little ones is good, it’s also equally important to replenish ourselves.
My goals lately are to really slow down. To make sure I am nourishing my body with good foods. To take time to rest. To not push myself to the point of exhaustion even though there is plenty still left to do. And the hardest one of all, is to quit bashing myself. To tell myself that I am beautiful and worthy and enough. To stop looking in the mirror with disgust and start recognizing that my body is amazing for doing what it did – birthing my daughter and carrying her in my womb.
I’ll be candid. I find it so easy to encourage other women, mother’s especially. I can easily tell them how beautiful they are and how amazing they are for doing all they do. But I find it extremely difficult to tell myself the same.
Does anyone else have that same issue? Why is it easy for us to be kind to others but difficult to be kind to ourselves? Why do we feel like we are not deserving of our own kindness?
I want to explore that more. I want to explore my own kindness towards myself. I want to stop a second before making any kind of judgement.
Anyway, this is me letting you know that you are just as important. That you matter. That you deserve not to feel judged especially by your own self. And remember, you are doing your best. Even if you don’t feel like you are the same person anymore and that so much has changed since having a baby, or going through a certain event for those that are not mothers.
You are the person you are meant to be right now. Be ok with that.
It is all part of your journey and you will look back on today and be grateful for it even if you can’t see that right now.
There are so many times that I have looked back on the difficult seasons of my life and realized that while it may have been tough at the time, I am so grateful for the experience because it changed me and molded me into the person I am today.
xx Mama with Grace xx
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