This photo of my little and I was taken a few weeks ago at Barnes & Nobles’ story time for children, so naturally, it makes me want to tell you a story today.
I want to tell you the story of how my life has changed because of motherhood.
I want to tell you the story of how I have changed as a person because of motherhood.
I want to tell you the story of how my dreams, hopes, and passions have changed because of motherhood.
I am now a believer in the quote that says when a baby is born, there are really two births, one of the baby and one of the mother.
Motherhood is like being reborn into someone completely different, but in a good way. And like any kind of birth there are difficulties and growing pains, but it is all very much worth it.
My story begins years ago prior to become a mother, around 2014. It is quite a lengthy tale but there is a point connecting it all together, I promise, so please bare with me and read on!
I had just turned 25 and most of the friends around me were getting engaged, married, or having their first child. Previous to this, I hadn’t really thought about having a family much. I knew it was a faraway option that I could choose some day but at the time I was more concerned about other things in my life, like having fun and pursuing my passions of photography and writing.
But things kind of turned for the worse. At first, I thought maybe I was going through some sort of quarter-life crisis and never would have imagined putting two and two together when it came to my lifestyle of eating pure junk food, taking hormonal birth control for 7+ years , and participating in little to no exercise.
I started having intense panic attacks to the point where at times I was terrified of leaving the house or being alone or even showering. I did not know what was going on and everyone around me simply thought it was due to stress, as I was coincidentally under a great deal of it at the time due to a very unhealthy relationship with an ex.
Months went by and I tried my best to endure, hoping and praying that I would simply get over it, but it continued to get worse to the point where I had to temporarily leave my job. I was taken off work by a psychiatrist and prescribed even more medicine.
Something told me it wasn’t right. Now I say something but it really was God’s intervention that signified to me that there was a real issue going on inside my body.
I had a very, very strong urge telling me to quit my hormonal birth control. Now, I had been on it for 7+ years so I was kind of afraid of what would happen.
Little did I know, this is what would cause a snowball effect of life changing events for me, including getting healthy enough to get pregnant and giving birth to my beautiful baby girl.
So I began to open up my eyes, did a ton of research and realized that the synthetic hormones that I had been placing in my body for years were wreaking major havoc and causing all sorts of imbalances. By coming off them, it caused my body to be even more out of whack because apparently once your body is on something synthetic like that for so long, it stops producing it’s own natural hormones and it leaves your body nutritionally depleted and hormonally imbalanced.
Once I quit the pill, my anxiety immediately began to lessen each day, though not quite disappearing altogether, but it did feel as if a great weight had lifted off me. But then a load of other consequences of the imbalance started to follow.
– terrible cystic acne
– hair falling out to the point where it was getting so thin on top
– stomach troubles
– mood swings
– trouble sleeping
You name it, I felt it. I knew it was also affecting my fertility, even though I wasn’t trying to actively have a baby at the time, I was starting to become scared that maybe this imbalance was going to make it harder as evidence from my lack of period.
I knew the pill was only the first part of my journey to wellness and overall complete change of lifestyle.
Next I took a look at my diet.
Goodbye processed foods. Goodbye frozen meals. Goodbye GMO filled snacks. Goodbye antibiotic filled meats and dairy. Goodbye sodas, candy, and crap loads of sugar.
Hello whole food nutrition. Hello water. Hello organic and NON-GMO foods. Hello fermented foods. Hello vegetables and fruits!
Part three was looking at my mental health. I dove deep into learning how to love myself more, and seeing myself through the eyes of God. I also learned to grow self confidence, as previously I had little to none. I was always striving. Always trying hard to be someone I wasn’t. Always following everyone else’s expectations for me.
As my research deepened and my knowledge grew, I found myself slowly changing, getting better – some would even call it a healing.
I loved the new me. The new lifestyle I had. I was turning crunchy even before I had a baby!
Looking back, I think I needed to go through all those trials in order to become the person I am today and the mother that I am today.
Fast forward a year later (2015), my now-husband and I started dating and it was very fortunate that he was completely encouraging me to continue with this new lifestyle way before we were married and parents.
Over the years, we’ve worked towards changing out our household products, personal care products, pet food, water, and more! And now with our baby, we are trying our best to stick to same methods of clean living.
Now let’s get to the part about motherhood, because I know you all our patiently waiting on how this is going to connect.
Side note: if you’ve followed any of my blogs, you know I like to write lengthy stories, but I promise they are all well worth the read.
In 2017, most of my friends were married and had had at least one or two children. I started to feel left out, as the older I got, the stronger my desire was of having a baby and I really wasn’t that young anymore (28).
Most people have dreams of achieving high status in a career they love or owning an expensive car, I wanted to become a mother, and one that stayed at home so that she could take care of her household and children.
I feel a bit embarrassed saying that, especially with the whole movement of women becoming more powerful these days and all about their careers, but I guess I’m more of a traditional kind of gal. I also think it is extremely beneficial for a child to be around their mothers at least for the first few years of life, even if there is plenty of adequate child care available.
There’s something different about being at home with your little one. You get to see them grow daily. You get to attend to their every need personally. You learn what every cry, whimper, giggle, and squirm means. You can genuinely see the happiness in their smile when they see your face after waking up from a nap.
It’s a priceless feeling. And being here to witness every bit of her day has really grown me as a person too.
I’ve learned patience. Extreme patience actually. Especially during the moments she is crying and I simply don’t know what to do except try my best to console her.
I’ve learned what true sacrifice and love means, like getting up in the wee morning hours even though I am extremely tired and just want so badly to go back to sleep, but she depends on me. I am her lifeline, her nutrition, her comfort. Her needs come before mine at times.
I learned that genuine joy is seeing the smile of your happy child, knowing that she is most likely smiling because of you or something you did. That this little being will teach you her ways of being happy for simple reasons, like spending time together.
I’ve created a bond, one that is sealed with unconditional love. And there are moments where I simply want to cry because she brings me such happiness, like the times when we dance late at night before bed to oldies music or when she melts my heart with her giggle as I am giving her a bath.
Motherhood has truly changed me. I am no longer living for myself, but for her. Everything I do is for her greater good. And I want to teach her all the good things in the world and prepare her for the best life possible. I want to be the best example I can for her and educate her in ways that will be most beneficial to her health and well being.
It’s honestly not about me anymore. I have everything I could ever ask for out of life. And I am so incredibly grateful.
But the one last thing I do need in order for my life to be truly complete is the ability to stay home so that I can continue to help her grow and give her the kind of loving security that she needs.
This brings me to the final point in my story. The choice I’ve decided to make. Not for me but for my daughter, and for my family.
My goal is to stay at home, and the only way I will be able to do that is to challenge myself by being a work at home mom!
I was presented with the opportunity to help change lives, and normally I’m not one to jump on trying to have my own business because I’m really not that great at selling things, but I feel like this is different.
I feel like this is something I can truly get behind as it has the ability to give hope to those that are struggling, whether it be from anxiety, chronic pain, stomach troubles, insomnia or depression — the list goes on of how many ailments CBD can potentially aids.
I, first hand, have struggled with anxiety and was prescribed Ativan, Xanax, and even Klonopin. All of those things gave me more side effects than relief and I knew it was not good for my system just as the synthetic hormonal birth control wasn’t.
Sometimes, traditional medicine is not the way to go, especially since most of the time doctors prescribe it so freely and are just trying to get rid of your symptoms without truly treating the root cause.
This is why I have turned to natural forms of therapy, medicine, and remedies as they can help treat the root cause of things.
And that is exactly why I am choosing CBD! CBD, which stands for Cannabidiol, is something found naturally in our bodies already so it can really do no harm like something synthetic and foreign to our bodies (like traditional medications) can do.
To put it more clearly, the body produces endocannabinoids, which are neurotransmitters that bind to cannabinoid receptors in your nervous system. Studies have shown that CBD may help reduce chronic pain [and assist with mental ailments] by impacting endocannabinoid receptor activity, reducing inflammation and interacting with neurotransmitters. (Source)
I ordered my first bottle a few days ago and I’m incredibly excited to try it as I still suffer from anxiety and depression from time to time. From all the testimonies I’ve heard, it is incredibly powerful stuff! And while it may not cure or heal, it does have amazing properties that will create balance and provide relief.
I’m going to do a separate post coming up in the next day or two on more of what CBD is and the benefits of taking it, but for now I leave you with this.
I don’t know where this next part of my journey will take me but I pray that it brings me closer to my goal of creating a large enough business that will give me the ability to stay at home with my daughter, and if I can help others along the way, then more power to it!
I will, of course blog about my experiences and pass on any knowledge I acquire on my way to creating my “hempire!”
I hope that those of you that have come this far with me on my blogging journey will continue to support me through this and send your encouragements!
Anyway! Long post FTW!
Stay tuned for my next blog to find out more about the amazing benefits of CBD, and of course more mama adventures from yours truly!
Mama with Grace
A.k.a “Your local CBD advocate”