Today was a good day. A really, really good day.
I finally had the courage to go out with my little. We’ve been pretty much home bound for the last few months, besides the occasional trip to target. We haven’t, however, dared to really go out alone and meet other moms.
My midwife kept telling me that it was important to do so. To find my tribe. To get involved in a group. To socialize. She said it would help prevent further depression and help me know that I am not alone.
I told her I would try…eventually…when I was ready. But time kept passing and I kept making excuses as to why we couldn’t go out.
Oh it’s far too cold.
Oh I’m not very comfortable with the stroller.
Oh I’m too scared to be out on my own.
What if something goes wrong?
I could go on and on. But finally, today, I braved the adventure and headed out to my first mommy group.
And you better believe they were crunchy!
I have to say, it was pretty amazing. I felt like I knew them all for so long and we had literally just met.
It’s a breath of fresh air when you feel at home somewhere, when you feel like you all just click and are likeminded on the same issues.
Before going, I was kind of nervous. It’s almost like a first date. Do you dress up and put on your best self? Or do you simply go as yourself and hope they’ll like you just as you are?
At first, I thought maybe I should dress up, look like I have it all together, dress my little up so she even looks presentable. But then I quickly realized that was stupid and decided to just be me. It was such a relief as everyone else looked just the same. They all wore leggings and easy access sweaters! Most of them had no make up on. And surely no one actually did their hair for the occasion. But they all looked beautiful.
I had found my people.
And we all laughed and talked like we had known each other for years. Anything from vaccinations, to nap time, to milestones, and every thing in between.
It felt good to belong. I haven’t felt that in quite some time.
My little was the youngest out of them all, as they all had children that were crawling or walking, but it didn’t matter.
She was having a grand old time laying on her blanket and looking up at the swaying trees. She sucked away on her hands and smiled occasionally as the sun peaked out on to her face.
The other babies were so curious and would walk up to her, bringing her bubbles or a piece of muffin.
We had no meltdowns. No crying. No crazy blowouts. At least not while we were there. The ride over is another story for a different day. Haha
Ok, ok, I’ll quickly tell you. So we get into the car and as soon as we pull away from the house, she starts screaming. I know she already hates car rides but this was pretty bad. I was tempted to pull over and check what was wrong, but I kept going because we were already running behind.
So we get there, after hitting every red light possible, and I decide to check her diaper before we join the group. Sometimes she will poop and it bothers her so much that she will scream this way.
So I lay her out on the blanket on the backseat, as I was too frazzled to get out the specific diaper changing mat. I quickly check and there is a ton of pee in her diaper. I start to change it out with the fresh one and before I can get the fresh one on, she pees again like mad. It gets EVERYWHERE!
All over her outfit. All over the blanket. All over the seat.
I scramble to get her dry as she is screaming even more. Finally, we get the clean diaper on but now we have to manage to change her clothes. Thank God I had the right mind to bring an extra outfit. But she’s screaming the whole way to getting it on.
Finally, we get it on and she’s calm. So calm that we get up and head out as if nothing was ever wrong.
Anyway, the whole experience of mommy group was complete bliss. You realize that you aren’t alone in this journey of motherhood. That the mom right across from you know how it feels to have a screaming baby or how it feels to not know what you are doing 70% of the time. She knows what the sleepless nights feel like or the moments when you really just want someone to hold your kid so you can pee in peace.
That’s the beauty of motherhood. That’s the beauty of finding your tribe. They get it. And you’re not alone. And they will tell you over and over again that you are not alone.
And I feel like there has been a real uplifting in my spirit. I almost wish I could go out and do it again right now but I know that’s not realistic.
My little is knocked out for the day. She’s peacefully asleep on me right now as I write this post.
We did good. I’m proud of her. And I’m proud of me too because it took a lot of courage to simply pack up and take her out, on my own, half way across town to meet a bunch of strangers we now call friends.
We even have plans for next week already!
Here’s to new friendships and happier days ahead!
Mama with grace